When reality imposes itself upon your dreams,
feelings flutter, flicker, fan the flames of woeful
indecision. No need to clarify
for those mystified by Choice, when scarred
by their own inadmission. It’s Yours-
the right to chose what’s right for You. Shoes on other feet
might have walked to a different beat, drowning out the others.
Had you chosen antiseptic floors and paper gowns,
You would have earned the ire of others claiming
soapbox status; vilified and made to
wear the scarlet letter. We must
not criticize what we do not understand,
promote the golden rule, temper expectations,
appreciate we make mistakes –Life is unpredictable.
Now you now have your vindication; I heard it on the news
but narrow-minded pipsqueaks may try to refute
the truth, deny the veritable
intricacy of Life; parade
double standards with heads held high above
the throng; forgetting that each one of us treads the
same sod. When curtains close, this fact remains: It is Your womb.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
The List
As I thought about what this article would be about I thought of Max Ehrmann’s “Desiderata”. It is said that wisdom comes with age and even though compared with other people, like my grandmother for instance, I have lived a relatively short life I think that I have bit of wisdom I could impart. This article, and I must insert a disclaimer here, is just a bit of what I think I have learned (and there might be at least one thing that I just thought sounded nice) that I thought I would share. I am not proclaiming to be a self help guru and you might have read some of the things on the list in some other form, but that means essentially the same thing, so read the list for the fun of: it if there is anything you’d like to take from it then thanks and if you think it’s a whole lot of hogwash that’s ok too.
So here goes:
1. Don’t be a “Stupid Girl”. Accept yourself, accept your body.
2. Laugh often, especially at yourself.
3. Don’t be afraid to act silly sometimes.
4. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Set aside some time each week to spend alone getting to know you, see how you’ve changed and whether or not it’s for the better.
5. If you have exhausted every single angle trying to figure out if the guy is the real deal and you are still in doubt, get his handwriting analyzed.
6. Your hands should fit together.
7. Dance with a guy before you have sex with him. Dancing together should feel right. Here right and good are not synonymous. Even if one or both of you have two left feet or are rhythm challenged and don’t know any of the latest dance moves it should feel right. If the dancing doesn’t feel right the sex won’t either. After all isn’t dancing the vertical expression of our horizontal intentions.?
8. Find someone who is generous. You have to give to get. He will be blessed for his generosity and as you are a part of his life the blessings will extend to you as well.
9. Have at least one really good guy friend. Girls are great and we need to be there for each other and support one another, but you can rest assured that if your guy friend tells no Mr. “Of the Moment” is bad news you can rest assured he’s probably right; after all he is one of them. Also you can safely assume that it’s not because he wants him for himself unless of course he’s gay and them you would be barking up the wrong tree anyway.
10. Find out what your passion is.
11. Be independent but accept help when it’s offered. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness.
12. If you write poetry don’t write poetry about just any guy. Just in case it’s good and you end up hating him and you can’t separate the art from your feelings about the asshole.
13. Playing pool gets easier after a few drinks.
14. If you feel like you are going to drop the glass you are holding while dancing in a club, perhaps you shouldn’t say fuck it and continue dancing, you should stop and put it down.
15. Read a lot. Read everything.
16. The universe has a way of always putting you where you need to be even if you had made a few wrong turns along the way. Getting lost along the way is not necessarily a bad thing as long as you learn the lesson.
17. Listen to your heart, it knows more than you know but also know when to listen to your head and not your heart. It can be a bit difficult at times but there are moments when both your heart and your head are in sync and it’s absolutely wonderful.
18. Good things come in all sorts of packaging.
19. Try not to make the same mistake too many times.
20. Be patient. Be very, very patient but know when to get up and dance. In case you’re wondering how you’ll know when to dance this is where listening to your heart comes in, just turn off your head if it’s getting too loud with naysaying.
(previously published in the Sunday Observer Bookends)
So here goes:
1. Don’t be a “Stupid Girl”. Accept yourself, accept your body.
2. Laugh often, especially at yourself.
3. Don’t be afraid to act silly sometimes.
4. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Set aside some time each week to spend alone getting to know you, see how you’ve changed and whether or not it’s for the better.
5. If you have exhausted every single angle trying to figure out if the guy is the real deal and you are still in doubt, get his handwriting analyzed.
6. Your hands should fit together.
7. Dance with a guy before you have sex with him. Dancing together should feel right. Here right and good are not synonymous. Even if one or both of you have two left feet or are rhythm challenged and don’t know any of the latest dance moves it should feel right. If the dancing doesn’t feel right the sex won’t either. After all isn’t dancing the vertical expression of our horizontal intentions.?
8. Find someone who is generous. You have to give to get. He will be blessed for his generosity and as you are a part of his life the blessings will extend to you as well.
9. Have at least one really good guy friend. Girls are great and we need to be there for each other and support one another, but you can rest assured that if your guy friend tells no Mr. “Of the Moment” is bad news you can rest assured he’s probably right; after all he is one of them. Also you can safely assume that it’s not because he wants him for himself unless of course he’s gay and them you would be barking up the wrong tree anyway.
10. Find out what your passion is.
11. Be independent but accept help when it’s offered. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness.
12. If you write poetry don’t write poetry about just any guy. Just in case it’s good and you end up hating him and you can’t separate the art from your feelings about the asshole.
13. Playing pool gets easier after a few drinks.
14. If you feel like you are going to drop the glass you are holding while dancing in a club, perhaps you shouldn’t say fuck it and continue dancing, you should stop and put it down.
15. Read a lot. Read everything.
16. The universe has a way of always putting you where you need to be even if you had made a few wrong turns along the way. Getting lost along the way is not necessarily a bad thing as long as you learn the lesson.
17. Listen to your heart, it knows more than you know but also know when to listen to your head and not your heart. It can be a bit difficult at times but there are moments when both your heart and your head are in sync and it’s absolutely wonderful.
18. Good things come in all sorts of packaging.
19. Try not to make the same mistake too many times.
20. Be patient. Be very, very patient but know when to get up and dance. In case you’re wondering how you’ll know when to dance this is where listening to your heart comes in, just turn off your head if it’s getting too loud with naysaying.
(previously published in the Sunday Observer Bookends)
Love and Marriage
This chronically single twenty-year old went to a wedding last weekend and this has got me thinking about this love and marriage thing. How is it that some people find “the one” so easily and others find “the one” and mess it up, make someone into “the one” or just plain search and search and not find “the one”? Do some people have a gene that makes sure that they are emotionally stable individuals that are meant to marry and do these persons have some kind of sensors to ensure that they find each other relatively easily? Is it a matter of socialization? Do people who grow up in homes where their parents are married and have good relationships more likely to have successful relationships and more likely to marry?
On a personal note, loving someone is a decision I have to make. I don’t just allow myself to fall in love with anyone. I make a conscious decision, having ascertained that I am capable of dealing with falling in love with someone, to allow myself to do this. I think I can safely say that up to this point I have not found “the one”. There were people I would have liked to be “the one” but they weren’t meant to be it so that’s that.
We all know that the tradition at weddings is for all the unmarried women to try and catch the bride’s bouquet as the woman to catch it will be the next to get married. This tradition dates back to the days when women would try to tear a piece of the bride’s dress to be kept as a good luck charm. Well dresses became more expensive and the tradition evolved to that of throwing the bouquet. I did not try to catch the bouquet at this wedding. In fact, I have never tried to catch the bouquet at any wedding. It as never been something I want to do because catching the bouquet would not be of any significance to me and the flowers are going to die anyway and if they are not real who wants those.
A few days before this wedding, I had a conversation with a male friend about what my dream wedding would be like. (Not that I am expecting to get married anytime soon, if ever, but it’s good to be prepared for these sort of things). Ideally my husband and I would elope to some country were we do not speak the language and just sign some papers with two people who up until that day were strangers, for witnesses. However, since I have parents (especially), other family and friends, this has to be modified a bit. The most essential thing for me to have my dream wedding is the dress I want that will be designed specifically for me so no one else in the world will ever have that dress. There will be no singing while the register is being signed as I absolutely loathe this; there will be no “Here Comes the Bride” either. I had been thinking that perhaps I’d walk up the aisle to some piece of music composed specifically for the occasion, however, if Mr. Tarrus Riley would accept an invitation to sing at my nuptials I think I might go with “She’s Royal” instead. Although I have the dream wedding all conceptualized (all I need to do is decide on the colour), I do think I should find someone to be the guy on the cake before I start sending out the invitations.
(previously published in the Sunday Observer Bookends)
On a personal note, loving someone is a decision I have to make. I don’t just allow myself to fall in love with anyone. I make a conscious decision, having ascertained that I am capable of dealing with falling in love with someone, to allow myself to do this. I think I can safely say that up to this point I have not found “the one”. There were people I would have liked to be “the one” but they weren’t meant to be it so that’s that.
We all know that the tradition at weddings is for all the unmarried women to try and catch the bride’s bouquet as the woman to catch it will be the next to get married. This tradition dates back to the days when women would try to tear a piece of the bride’s dress to be kept as a good luck charm. Well dresses became more expensive and the tradition evolved to that of throwing the bouquet. I did not try to catch the bouquet at this wedding. In fact, I have never tried to catch the bouquet at any wedding. It as never been something I want to do because catching the bouquet would not be of any significance to me and the flowers are going to die anyway and if they are not real who wants those.
A few days before this wedding, I had a conversation with a male friend about what my dream wedding would be like. (Not that I am expecting to get married anytime soon, if ever, but it’s good to be prepared for these sort of things). Ideally my husband and I would elope to some country were we do not speak the language and just sign some papers with two people who up until that day were strangers, for witnesses. However, since I have parents (especially), other family and friends, this has to be modified a bit. The most essential thing for me to have my dream wedding is the dress I want that will be designed specifically for me so no one else in the world will ever have that dress. There will be no singing while the register is being signed as I absolutely loathe this; there will be no “Here Comes the Bride” either. I had been thinking that perhaps I’d walk up the aisle to some piece of music composed specifically for the occasion, however, if Mr. Tarrus Riley would accept an invitation to sing at my nuptials I think I might go with “She’s Royal” instead. Although I have the dream wedding all conceptualized (all I need to do is decide on the colour), I do think I should find someone to be the guy on the cake before I start sending out the invitations.
(previously published in the Sunday Observer Bookends)
Be drunk
Last Friday I got drunk; so drunk that I have no recollection of any events that happened between my sitting on a wall, at a wake, and waking up the next morning. I had not intended on getting drunk, but I did. I went to two bars then ended up at the wake. After getting home assisted by good friends, (and I am sure I really needed the assistance especially going up the stairs) apparently, sometime around 3 a. m. I placed a phone call to a friend, and my housemates heard some unexplained knocking that I will not attribute to myself but hey anything is possible.
I am a chronically single 20-something-year-old-female with a birthday coming up. I hate birthdays. I hate my current job and I was planning to leave at the end of the month but nothing else has come up, so I don’t think this deadline will hold up, but to maintain my sanity I will have to leave sooner or later.
A few weeks ago I discovered Charles Boudelaire’s poem “Be Drunk” translated from French by Louis Simpson. It states “You have to be always drunk”. At this point I am inclined to agree, not necessarily on “wine, poetry or virtue” as the poem goes but on something. You have to be drunk to get through this life. I, myself, intend to be always drunk, but since as of about 10 a.m. on Saturday I give up drink, I will have to find some other poison.
It is really hard to live sober in this world. There are so many wrongs to right and too many rights that really are wrongs. I have been walking around moping, being depressed (due to a chemical imbalance, my self diagnosis) for the last few weeks only to now realize that the person who has been most on my case about looking up is going through a much harder time than myself. So if he can still find it within himself to encourage me, then what the hell am I doing being Ms. Sad Eyes.
The ironies of life are such that the woman whose husband was murdered last year, present day, is the woman walking around with the condolence card for some other woman who has lost a child. Now who wouldn’t need to be drunk for that? Or having to deal with the guy who won’t/can’t commit but who you can’t get from under your skin. Or realizing that you have made one too many wrong turns in life and maybe you need to just stop for half an hour at least and do nothing. Just watch time go by and then maybe if you get still enough the voices will stop and you can really listen to your heart and find your path. I suppose you would agree that you just might get to this path sooner if you are at least a little tipsy. So here’s to being drunk.
(previously published in the Sunday Observer Bookends)
I am a chronically single 20-something-year-old-female with a birthday coming up. I hate birthdays. I hate my current job and I was planning to leave at the end of the month but nothing else has come up, so I don’t think this deadline will hold up, but to maintain my sanity I will have to leave sooner or later.
A few weeks ago I discovered Charles Boudelaire’s poem “Be Drunk” translated from French by Louis Simpson. It states “You have to be always drunk”. At this point I am inclined to agree, not necessarily on “wine, poetry or virtue” as the poem goes but on something. You have to be drunk to get through this life. I, myself, intend to be always drunk, but since as of about 10 a.m. on Saturday I give up drink, I will have to find some other poison.
It is really hard to live sober in this world. There are so many wrongs to right and too many rights that really are wrongs. I have been walking around moping, being depressed (due to a chemical imbalance, my self diagnosis) for the last few weeks only to now realize that the person who has been most on my case about looking up is going through a much harder time than myself. So if he can still find it within himself to encourage me, then what the hell am I doing being Ms. Sad Eyes.
The ironies of life are such that the woman whose husband was murdered last year, present day, is the woman walking around with the condolence card for some other woman who has lost a child. Now who wouldn’t need to be drunk for that? Or having to deal with the guy who won’t/can’t commit but who you can’t get from under your skin. Or realizing that you have made one too many wrong turns in life and maybe you need to just stop for half an hour at least and do nothing. Just watch time go by and then maybe if you get still enough the voices will stop and you can really listen to your heart and find your path. I suppose you would agree that you just might get to this path sooner if you are at least a little tipsy. So here’s to being drunk.
(previously published in the Sunday Observer Bookends)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
