This chronically single twenty-year old went to a wedding last weekend and this has got me thinking about this love and marriage thing. How is it that some people find “the one” so easily and others find “the one” and mess it up, make someone into “the one” or just plain search and search and not find “the one”? Do some people have a gene that makes sure that they are emotionally stable individuals that are meant to marry and do these persons have some kind of sensors to ensure that they find each other relatively easily? Is it a matter of socialization? Do people who grow up in homes where their parents are married and have good relationships more likely to have successful relationships and more likely to marry?
On a personal note, loving someone is a decision I have to make. I don’t just allow myself to fall in love with anyone. I make a conscious decision, having ascertained that I am capable of dealing with falling in love with someone, to allow myself to do this. I think I can safely say that up to this point I have not found “the one”. There were people I would have liked to be “the one” but they weren’t meant to be it so that’s that.
We all know that the tradition at weddings is for all the unmarried women to try and catch the bride’s bouquet as the woman to catch it will be the next to get married. This tradition dates back to the days when women would try to tear a piece of the bride’s dress to be kept as a good luck charm. Well dresses became more expensive and the tradition evolved to that of throwing the bouquet. I did not try to catch the bouquet at this wedding. In fact, I have never tried to catch the bouquet at any wedding. It as never been something I want to do because catching the bouquet would not be of any significance to me and the flowers are going to die anyway and if they are not real who wants those.
A few days before this wedding, I had a conversation with a male friend about what my dream wedding would be like. (Not that I am expecting to get married anytime soon, if ever, but it’s good to be prepared for these sort of things). Ideally my husband and I would elope to some country were we do not speak the language and just sign some papers with two people who up until that day were strangers, for witnesses. However, since I have parents (especially), other family and friends, this has to be modified a bit. The most essential thing for me to have my dream wedding is the dress I want that will be designed specifically for me so no one else in the world will ever have that dress. There will be no singing while the register is being signed as I absolutely loathe this; there will be no “Here Comes the Bride” either. I had been thinking that perhaps I’d walk up the aisle to some piece of music composed specifically for the occasion, however, if Mr. Tarrus Riley would accept an invitation to sing at my nuptials I think I might go with “She’s Royal” instead. Although I have the dream wedding all conceptualized (all I need to do is decide on the colour), I do think I should find someone to be the guy on the cake before I start sending out the invitations.
(previously published in the Sunday Observer Bookends)
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I am some what in agreement that more mentally stable individuals are able to find the one and cherish it. Mentally stable not only meaning growing up in a family with both mother and father... there are some who despite the missing parent, grow up well grounded and confident, sure of themselves and what they seek and i think that enables them to better make the choices on what they want from a relationship and what qualities they want in their partner. But then when someone standing on the outside looking into someone elses life,may not see who truley flawed those people relationship is.
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